#1

— What do you call a transistor that you’ve spent a week simulating, only for it to stay stuck in the triode region?

— An active resistor.

#2

Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?

Sales Rep: For what?

Customer: No, two.

Sales Rep: Two what?

Customer: Yes.

Sales Rep: No.

#3

Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said “2.”

Now, I’d say, “I’m pretty sure it’s 2, but we’d better make it three just to be safe.”

#4

An EE was asked why he became an engineer. He said, “I saw the light” — then paused — “eventually, after a 5ms propagation delay.”

#5

An electrical engineer walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, “For you? No charge.” The engineer says, “That’s the neutral wire’s job, not mine.”

#6

A grad student proved a theorem. His advisor said, “This is trivial.” The student said, “I know. It took me three years to see it was trivial.”

#7

An EE, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to prove all odd numbers greater than 1 are prime. Mathematician: “3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, by induction all odd numbers are prime.” Physicist: “3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is… experimental error, 11 is prime…” Engineer: “3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime…”

#8

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer smells smoke, sees a fire, throws a bucket of water on it, and goes back to sleep. Later the physicist smells smoke, calculates the exact volume of water needed, applies it precisely, and goes back to sleep. Later the mathematician smells smoke, sees the fire, notes “a solution exists,” and goes back to sleep.

#9

A ground wire and a hot wire are talking. The ground says, “I’m just here to keep things stable.” The hot wire says, “Must be nice — I’m always the one carrying the load.”

#10

An electrician’s favorite pickup line: “Are you a short circuit? Because you’ve got my heart racing and my resistance dropping.”